25 Things

Reading lists of friends' self-affirmations has become unavoidable lately. The surveys, once limited to myspace bulletins, have now infiltrated facebook and "25 things" is the new epidemic.

I decided to do a list of my own. But instead of random facts (like how many legs my dog has) I stuck to all things related to travel.

And I am not doing this because I am bored-as everyone claims. I am doing this because I am narcissistic.

Try not to judge and don't tell my grandma:

1. I only bring one bra when I travel. It usually has a slit cut for hiding money when I think a mugging is possible at my next destination.

2. I bunk with animals and insects. When I worked in Australia, a green frog lived in my shower. I also had a mouse crawl up my bed and nibble on my toe.

3. I don't brush my hair. And I shower minimally.

4. I punched one of my best friends in the face at Mama Africa's (Australia) on my 23rd birthday.

5. I pack my old cellphone. I use it for an alarm sometimes but mostly so taxi drivers don't take me to BFE and rob me. I pretend to talk to my "boyfriend" that is waiting at the hostel for me. I used this method a lot when I was trekking around South America by myself.

6. I tell men I'm married or have a boyfriend but after the Philippines I'm starting to think I should just say I'm a lesbian.

7. I am no longer phased by seeing men pee in the street but I have flashbacks from witnessing a man, in broad daylight, take a shit in a La Paz alley.

8. I prefer traveling by train. Even if it takes longer and it's inconvenient.

9. I've eaten termites. They tasted minty. I've also eaten live octopus.

10. I killed an Amazonian frog on accident. I still feel guilty about this.

11. I have been to Marseille, France. It was wonderful until a man verbally assaulted me at the train station. He said some things about pussy and he was not referring to a feline.

12. When I was traveling in Colombia someone shot a huge rock through our bus window and it came within two feet of my head. I thought it was a grenade so I shoved my friend's head down into her seat and frantically searched for it. NO ONE ELSE DID ANYTHING.

13. I jumped off a 35 foot cliff in Jamaica and busted my eardrum. People think I'm joking when I say I have a hearing problem but I really do suffer from a mild hearing loss in my right ear.

14. When I was in Dublin I passed Gabriel Byrne on my hostel's street. Our eyes connected, my mouth dropped and he quickly looked away.

15. I had a seven day Japan railpass that I sneakily used for nine days.

16. I got in trouble for drinking on a soccer trip when I was fifteen. The bust happened during a transient stay in Boston because some of the other girls tattled to the coach. I was so pissed off I drank the rest of my stash and smoked cigarettes in the bathtub while everyone else explored the city. Then I drew a picture in my journal of me giving the middle finger and wrote "F*** you America."

17. I know that giving money to begging children is bad but I do it anyway. I can't help it. They're kids!

18. I am really bad at haggling because I can't stop smiling.

19. I want to go to Cuba before Castro dies.

20. I know that flamenco is popular in Spain but public masturbation was the performance that I unfortunately beheld more.

21. My friend and I took an overnight train from Venice to Rome to see the Pope John Paul speak on Easter Sunday. It was probably my worst train experience ever.

22. I drove a motorbike on a national highway in the Philippines.

23. I was the driver at a backpacking hostel in Airlie Beach, Australia even though I didn't have an international driver's license. Sometimes I would daze off and forget to drive on the left side of the road.

24. I went to a hip hop club in San Diego and convinced a crowd to do the Watusi. I claimed it was THE dance to do and they followed on command. Later on I mocked a guy incessantly and he punched the window out of the truck I was in.

25. I am ready to leave Korea but I might come back.