My Favorite Deli & Grocery

I don't have any coffee. Little food. No clean underwear and I spent too much money yesterday.

Budget. Budget. Budget.

First stop: Mandee for some $4 skank panties. I love when underwear is listed as S, M, L. Yes, my ass is large. Thanks for the confirmation.

Second stop: My Favorite Deli & Grocery.

Clerk: Welcome-welcome-to-my-store.

Me: Hello. How are you?

I need something cheap. I have pasta at the apartment but no sauce. My choices are Chunky Ragu for $2.19 or Prego for $3.49. The Ragu looks gross and the Prego has meat in it. F#%*! I grab a can of Tomato Bisque from the soup aisle. Sigh.

Me: How are you today?

Clerk: Good. Beautiful-day. Beautiful-lady.

I laugh and smile.

Clerk: That's all?

He looks more disappointed with my selection than I am.

Me: Yeah.

Clerk: Doyoudrinkcoffeeinthemorning?

Me: What?

Clerk: Do-you-drink-coffee-in-the-morning?

Me: Yes.

Tiny smile. Coffee. Mmmmmm.

Clerk: Iwillmakesomecoffeeforyou.

Oh please oh please oh please!

Me: Umm, no that's OK. I have some at my place.

Lies. Lies.

Clerk: Onesugarsortwosugars?

Me: Wha?

Clerk: One-sugars-or-two-sugars?


Me: Just one.

Is he going to make me pay for this?


He holds up either creamer or milk and shakes it at me. I nod my head.

Clerk: OK-that-will-be-three-dollars.

Free coffee! This man knows the key to my heart!

Clerk: Have a wonderful day. Please come again.

I will!



My Favorite Deli & Grocery. On the corner of 5th and 13th Street. Park Slope.