F Train

I hop on the F train at West 4 St in the middle of an intense LeBron James debate between a fat guy in a Yankees hat and a fat guy that looks like...Fat Joe.

Yankees Hat: I'm tellin' ya. He's gonna get down there and he's not gonna deliver. Too much pressure. NO DOUBT. NO DOUBT about it.


Fat Joe: Na na na. He's gonna bring it. He's gonna rip it up. He'll show you. He'll show everybody.

Yankees Hat: I will bet you...I WILL PUT MONEY on his downfall. How much money you got right now? You got a twenty?

Am I the only person that does not give a shit about LeBron James?


A decrepit man climbs on at 2 Av and shakes his cup from one end of the train to the other. No one gives him anything. Yankees Hat shrugs his shoulders indifferently.


The subject changes on Delancey St where Yankees Hat takes the lead, barely looking up from The New York Times.


Yankees Hat: I'm telling you man. She's there all day. Everyday. You gotta go. 35-40 dollars. Money well spent.


Fat Joe forces a whistle.


Yankees Hat: What you have to do is go up to 86th BUT you have to come back down to 80th. Right by Central Park. She'll be there. Take the taxi from 86th. It won't cost more than four bucks.


Yankees Hat feels the need to repeat himself: You go up to 86th but you have to come back down. I bet she's there right now. She's there ALL THE TIME. Day and night.

Fat Joe raises his eyebrows but stays mum. It's crowded. All eyes are averted from Yankees Hat.


Yankees Hat: And she's good, man. She's REAL GOOD. Never gets tired.

Yankees Hat: 35 dollars. I'm tellin' ya. Just go up to 86th and come back down to 80th.


A clown gets on at East Broadway. Heads turn towards him. I see him pull out a DD bra from his sleeve in my peripheral vision. Everyone giggles. 

Yankees Hat laughs the loudest. He uses the same description he used minutes before, "He's good. He's real good."


After 5 minutes, the clown walks through the car with his hat out. Everyone laughing before is now making themselves busy. Yankees Hat greets him with a smile but gives nothing. The clown steps off at Jay St.

Yankees Hat and Fat Joe briefly discuss their need for steak dinners before toddling off at Smith St.

F. Train.